


lost and found

by animavilis



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, No Smut, at least that's what i wanted to write, banana fish alternative universe, is it even legal to use a dead meme as your summary, the last time i posted a fic online was back in 2013 on blogspot so i don’t even know how to tag, yut-lung is not mentioned in the story so i have to mention him now 'cause i love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 03:53:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17399546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animavilis/pseuds/animavilis
Summary: Sir Isaac Newton was only 23 when he discovered the law of gravity. Eiji Okumura was only 3 when he met the love of his life.





	lost and found

**Author's Note:**

> um, i don’t know how to start so let’s get over it.  
> firstly, sorry for my poor english, but it’s not my first language. i have some reasons why i didn’t want to write it in my national language and i tried hard, but it’s more than possible that i made some mistakes. and the constructions are rather simple. feel free to correct me and if i ever write something again, i’ll make sure to find someone who could check it. i swear.  
> secondly, i’m a sucker for childhood friends to lovers aus and none of already created satisfied me enough so here i am writting it.  
> thirdly, enjoy!

Eiji couldn't think of days when he and Ash didn't know each other. It just felt like they had been together ever since he was born. Well, it wasn't  _that_ far from the truth to be honest. He was only three when Ash and his brother Griffin moved in to the small lodge on the opposite side of the street. Eiji's mother told them years later that her first thought was Ash being Griffin's baby as he was just one year old and the older one was in his early 20s.

Eiji couldn't remember the exact moment of meeting Ash, but he hadn't regretted even once it happened when they were so young. Thanks to that, he had seen Ash growing up, changing, becoming even more handsome. He'd always been by his side and he proudly reminded himself, when he was feeling down, that he was the one who came up with  _Ash_ as his nickname. Aslan, because that's his real name, has always been a smart, charming, full of energy, loud and optimistic kid so it's not a surprise everyone wanted to be his friend. Literally everyone loved him, including Eiji. And don't get him wrong, he didn't mind not being Aslan's only friend but he wasn't all happy about sharing him with everybody on the playground while they could do something fun together. Looking back now Eiji calls it by its name. He was obviously  _jealous_ that Aslan spent more time with others than with him alone. However, during these days he called it  _care_.

So he decided he wanted Aslan to share something with him he couldn't have with anyone else. He spent days trying to think of what it could be. Every evening after having said goodnight to the younger boy and before his bath, he would sit at his desk, pull out a piece of paper and write down everything he had on mind. He was thinking about the same necklaces, matching clothes, a shared diary and similiar stuff but it wasn't enough. So when he finally came up with the nickname, he was delighted. At the beginning Aslan didn't react to "Ash" but it was just a matter of time as he got used to it. However, the raven haired boy's enthusiasm descended quickly when other children started to call Aslan _Ash_  as well. He wanted it to be their thing so the thought of other people using it didn't even cross his mind. His grief didn't take long though, because for some reason they started calling the blond _Aslan_  again. Eiji never questioned why, but maybe he should have.

—————————————————————————

One of Eiji's first memories of Ash is being defended by him. Despite being younger, the blond was much stronger and quicker to react. That day they were again on the playground near their homes. Eiji's mom, who came with both of them, was talking to other parents and just sent them a look from time to time. When some children took Eiji's toys and started making fun of his skin colour, Ash didn't hesitate for a second but jumped in front of his friend and almost hit them. The scene was looking hilarious, since Ash was a head shorter than all of them, but for some unknown reason everybody respected him so the kids gave the raven haired boy his things back and apologized.

Eiji was truly surprised, because he wasn't used to it. To apologies, to be specific, since it was common for him to have someone laughing at the shape of his eyes or his yellowish skin. He hadn't fought them before, because he was keep telling himself, "Who am I to stand up against them?". But not that time. It was the first time the Japanese boy felt special and that he was equal with others. Ash showed him, what he's been missing for the past six years of his life.

After some years, Eiji called that memory "the first time I met my hero", because back then Ash saved him in a way. He still likes to go back and recall it.

————————————————————————— 

Not only Ash was Eiji's first friend, but the other  _firsts_ as well. Both of them were in the middle school, when they skipped for the first time. Eiji even now remembers how bad he felt after that, since he was such an honourable student, but the desire to do something unusual with Ash was stronger. He got scolded by his parents as well, but he would rather get punished fifty more times than not do it again. Ash looked so beautiful, his eyes shined so brightly and his smile was so wide when they were sitting by the river, with melting ice creams in their hands, that Eiji only regretted he didn't take any camera with him to eternalize that view. He wish he could kiss him then and forget about everyone else, just got lost in moment and enjoy themselves. But he couldn't. Ash wasn't  _his_ after all. 

Ash was the first one Eiji drank with and got drunk. It was Eiji's 18th birthday and Ash told him to come over to his house. Griffin was at work and Mr. and Mrs. Okumura knew their son is staying the night at the neighbour's house so they didn't worry. When Eiji came, Ash gave him a small cake he'd done a day before. It was simple and had only one candle on top of it, but Eiji loved it. It was Ash who made it after all. He also got a present: a black polaroid camera. The exact one Eiji wanted, but was to expensive for his small budget to being able to afford it.

"How-"

"I saw the way you were looking at it while we were at the mall last month." Ash sent him a smile.

"But it costed so much, I can't k—"

"Don't worry about the price. But you better use it a lot now to show me it wasn't a waste."

"I will. I promise. I love it, thank you, Ash."

"You're welcome." Ah, another soft smile. Were Eiji's legs always so weak? 

After that, they played some games as they usually would do, and chose a movie to watch while laying on the younger's bed. Their choice fallen on "Ōkami Kodomo no Ame to Yuki", since Eiji was keen on Japanese animation. Obviously, Eiji cried and Ash made some fun of him. 

"It's not my fault you're heartless, but leave me outside your non-existent emotions."

After the movie ended, Ash brought some beer and wine. Eiji, as a well-behaved and under-age kid he was, never drank alcohol, but Ash kept saying that it was his birthday so he had the right to try some. And it wasn't like his parents would know anyway. So he tried the beer. It wasn't tasty at all, but he didn't say anything else and just emptied the bottle. Next thing the American boy brought was vodka and that was basically the last memory Eiji had from that night. He just hoped he didn't say anything weird because of alcohol in his blood, but Ash was acting normal the next day when Eiji was dying from hangover so he thought he must have kept silent. However, he didn't ask about it just in case. 

Ash was Eiji's first love. At the beginning he kept telling himself it was normal, since they were friends, that he always wanted to be near the younger one, touch him as much as he could, and was looking for him wherever he went. But then, when he was thirteen, a boy from his class brought a porn magazine to school. It was the time the teenagers started being interested in such things. As opposed to the others, he didn't feel excited by looking at it. Naked women, yeeey. But then, on one page instead of a woman in some weird position, there were a woman and a man kissing.  _That_ was something more appealing in his opinion. Later, when he was lying on his bad, the thought of him and Ash kissing crossed his mind and, surprisingly, he was totally okay with it. It's not like he didn't know who gays were. His parents tought him about such stuff and he had sex education at school a year before that. However, he never gave any thought he could be one as well. It took him few weeks to finally start realising he cared about Ash more than just a friend would care. At the beginning, he was terrified that Ash, being the smart kid he was, would find out about his feelings and break their friendship. Eiji would never want to lose Ash and if it meant he had to kept his one-sided love forever to himself, he would agree to do that. At least that was what he thought. Easier said than done, they say. After knowing what he truly felt, he started to become painfully aware of what Ash was doing, where he was, or more importantly, who he was spending time with. It wasn't like Eiji wanted to be jealous. He was even angry with himself for being like that after everything Ash had done for him, but seriously. He was just a kid, who fell deeply in love with his best friend so who could blame him?

Ash was Eiji's first heartbreak as well. It was the beginning of spring. Eiji remember everything from that day and it still makes his chest aching. There was no indication of what was to happen. 15-year-old Eiji woke up as usual, his mother was sleeping after her night shift and his father had already gone to work. He made breakfast for him, his sister and Ash since the blond haired boy always woke up at the last minute and Eiji was worrying about his health [the Japanese boy knew his friend would just skip his meal intead of waking up 5 minutes earlier]. Griffin was truly greatful that God sent them such an angel, since he didn't have neither time nor abilities to make something for Ash. That day he made avocado and shrimp salad [one of Ash's favourites] and the mentioned teenager was full of the joys of spring while eating it. Eiji thought he would love to make Ash breakfasts for the rest of his live. And not only breakfasts, he would do literally everything for him. During such mornings, he liked to pretend that they were actually dating. And sometimes he even had a thought in his mind that the blond haired guy liked him as well. Hope is the mother of fools, they say.

They went to school together, but when Ash opened his locker, something fell out. The blond picked it up and the piece of paper turned out to be an  _invitation_ for him to go behind the school after his lessons. Eiji could swear he heard his heart cracking up. He knew what it meant. _A love confession_. That three words echoed bitterly in his mind. 

"Good for you, then!" He felt like crying, but wasn't he Ash's best friend after all? Didn't he say he would keep his feelings aside just to stay by his side? 

"I'm surprised but, yeah, thanks I guess." Ash smiled and Eiji suddenly wanted to go home or lock himself in the basement or just disappear in general. He felt like trash for the rest of the day, but it was even worse after he went back home and got a message from Ash saying that he and some girl [Eiji didn't even want to remember her name] were dating. He cried like he hadn't been crying for years and it was just to much for him. He was so heartbroken he didn't know what to do. It was so painful. The love of his life was being taken away from him and he was a boy so he couldn't do anything to prevent it. He'd never felt that bad. "You wouldn't mind not being  _his_ if it means you can stay with him, hmm?" He remembered his own words from three years ago. "What a joke." He laughed at himself sorely. "Why am I never enough? What is wrong with me that I can't be the one by his side? Why wasn't I born a girl?" He questioned himself. His head was throbing, his eyes were swollen, but his heart ached the most. He threw a pillow across the room while yelling, "It would be so much easier that way!"

Then, the door opened. When he first heard the door's cracking, he froze. His mind went blanc. He didn't want Ash to see him like that. But then, his mom showed up in the entrance. She grabbed the pillow from the floor, looked sadly at her son and came to his bed. Mrs. Okumura sat next to him and without saying anything, she just hugged him. Then, Eiji burst out crying again and told her everything. About Ash, about him being gay, about his thoughts. He didn't even care how would she react. He knew his parents were tolerant, but having a gay in the family was a different story.

However, his mother didn't let him go even for a second, she just let him crying on her shoulder while rubbing his back. It wasn't a shock for her. She knew Eiji better than anyone else did and she was suspecting that her son may have some romantic feelings towards his friend, but she never wanted to push him. That was why she patiently waited for him to tell her the truth, but the circumstances were slightly different from what she imagined. They spent about an hour in this position, with him sobbing and her telling him words of comfort, until Eiji finally calmed down and fell asleep. 

When he woke up later that night, he went on a walk. It was past midnight so he was kind of reckless, but he had to clear his head. He took their dog and leave the house. The night was cold, but it only helped. Eiji started remembering all happy moments he and Ash shared together. He knew he couldn't destoy their friendship for such a stupid reason. He sweared he would do anything that was necessary to help Ash. Well, he said that last time as well, but that night it was different. He knew how much it hurts and how much he have to sacrifice himself for Ash to be happy. But being by his side and seeing him smiling should be enough to make amends for everything.

Although he wanted to give up sometimes, he was bravely bearing with Ash and his girlfriend being all lovey-dovey right in front of his eyes. He smiled even if he wanted to scream and kept telling himself it would get better one day. 

Despite the fact that it was only getting worse.

————————————————————————— 

Ash broke Eiji's heart for the second time four months later. So far the raven haired boy had been bearing up quite well with the whole situation. He was still making breakfasts for his friend, but they didn't go to school together. He was still seeing him at school, but where was Ash, there was his girlfriend so he tried to stay away from them. He was still meeting him at the weekends, but not as ofter as it used to be. He was still his best friend, except from the fact that he didn't feel like that. Eiji with a heavy heart admitted to himself that it was easier for him not to meet Ash at all that seeing him talking happily about how wonderful his girlfriend was. He tried really hard, but it was impossible for him to just get over his friend. And it hurt doubly, because Ash was truly in love. It wasn't a short-lived crush. Ash was thinking about her in the same way Eiji was thinking about him.

However, there was one day Eiji was looking foward to. His 16th birthday. The Japanese boy was sure Ash wouldn't forget. He was his best friend after all, right? So he waited patiently. Well maybe  _patiently_ wasn't the best word to describe it, since he couldn't sleep at night at all. He wasn't waiting for the present. He was waiting for Ash to finally spend more time with him and give him the attention he needed. Firstly, he thought Ash would come to his house to eat breakfast and then say the first "happy birthday" of the day, like he used to do. But Ash sent him a text with "my gf wanted to meet me before the school so don't prepare anything for me". And okay, that hurt. Why was she more important even if it was Eiji who Ash should be with at that moment? But he tried to comfort himself that it was either an excuse because Ash is planning something for him, or they would just meet later. Because Ash  _wouldn't_ forget it was his birthday, right?

They met each other a few hours later. They were having their P.E. lessons at the same time so Eiji was waiting to talk to Ash. At school some of his classmates wished him the best, but it wasn't what he wanted. He wanted the blond to tell him that so he decided to somehow remind Ash of it.  _Just in case_ , he tried to convince himself.

"Good morning." He said when he came closer to Ash and the girls from his class.

"It's not morning anymore, Eiji."

"I know, but it felt weird not being able to say it to you this morning so I'm saying it now."

"I see. Then good morning to you to." He smiled. Ah, Eiji missed him  _so_ much.

"Any plans for today?" He wasn't even trying to be subtle.

"Some shopping stuff with my girl, beucase she needs a new swimsuit or something like that." Eiji smile dropped. But it was Ash.  _Ash wouldn't forget,_  he reminded himself. Maybe he was buying something for him? "Why?"

"I was just curious. Thought we could go somewhere and finally spend some time together. It feels like it's been 84 years since we did that."

"Not today. But I can see you tomorrow I guess?"

"Well, yeah, great, so we're settled on."

"You're acting weird. Is everything okay?" Eiji opened his mouth, but someone called Ash's name so he had to go. Eiji was sad for the rest of his school day.

However, he still believed in Ash. He believed his best friend would come or at least even text him. Stupid  _happy birthday_  would be enough. His parents gave him a chocolate cake and a present, his sister sang him a song and they spent some time together. Eiji did his best to smile even if it was hard for him. Every hour hurt more. But when the night came, the older boy lost his hope. He didn't want to say it out loud, but Ash  _did_ forget. It was the first birthday he had to spent alone since he and Ash had been together. So he cried again. And again, his mother was the one to cheer him, but it didn't work that time. He stayed at home the following day and just sent Ash a text with "I'm sick so our plans are cancelled." He got "okay, make sure you stay hydrated." That was all. He didn't even come to see if he was okay for sure. They didn't see each other for the rest of the week. And later Ash didn't mention his birthday either.

Eiji felt like he lost his friend.

—————————————————————————

Ash broke Eiji's heart for the third time a year after he had done it for the first time. Ash had been preparing for their first anniversary for a week then. The blond got a present for his girlfriend, made some food and buttoned up everything. Every time he smiled, Eiji felt more anxious. He himself was preparing to hear everything about it the following day. He knew they'd propably have sex since they'd been talking about it already, but just waited for the perfect occasion. And what could be more perfect than a romantic date? 

What he didn't expect, was Ash showing at his door only two hours after leaving to get dressed up. And he was crying. Eiji froze. He had known Ash for over 13 years and never seen him crying. Not even once. So he knew what must have happened. He didn't say anything, just take his friend inside, closed the door, led him to his bed, made him sit on it and hugged him. He was his friend after all and it was not about his feelings. It was about Ash's feelings. And the blond haired boy struggling with catching the air, told him what happened.

After he left Eiji's place, he took a shower in his own home, dressed up, checked if everything was ready and went to pick his girlfriend up. When he rang the bell, he was surprised to see her in her normal clothes, but he just thought she didn't have enough time to get ready. He tried to joke, "She's a girl after all" but his voice cracked. She told him to come in, and ask if he wanted something to drink. She was acting natural, so he didn't suspect anything bad would happen. After that, they sat in her room, with Ash being confused why she wasn't changing her clothes. He asked if anything was wrong, and then she started talking. 

"'You're great and I get it why everyone wants to be with you. You're handsome, clever, nice and always caring for other people.' she said. I didn't know where she was going with that." Ash laughed sadly, but continued talking, "'And I know you'd never do anything to hurt me, but I don't love you anymore.' Do you hear that Eiji? What does it mean she didn't love me anymore? When did she stopped? Did she even love me in the first place?" He was sobbing on the Japanese boy's arm. Eiji didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to feel. He was somehow happy that Ash's relationship was over, but on the other hand, he didn't want to see his love in that state. Ash didn't deserve to be treated like than.

"I asked her what was she talking about, but she just told me 'I'm sorry but it's over, Aslan. Don't try to contact me again, because I've already found someone else. I'm truly sorry for being so horrible, but I didn't want to fool you anymore. I hope you'll find someone who suits you better. Now it's time for you to go' and that's all. She ended our relationship in three minutes and just closed the door right in front of my nose. I tried to call her name, but she said she would call the police if I stayed." Ash's arms were shaking. "I don't know what to do, Eiji. I love her so much and I don't want to give up on her." 

These five words echoed in his head.  _IlovehersomuchIlovehersomuchIlovehersomuch._  It was the last straw that breaks the camel's back. He started crying as well. Ash thought his friend was crying because he empathised with him, but Eiji cried because he realised Ash would never love him. Ash loved a girl. Ash loved girls in general. And Eiji was a boy. There wasn't a chance for them to be together. And it wasn't the first time the Japanese boy thought about it, but this time the reality slapped him in the face. It was over. If he ever thought of confessing to Ash one day, at that moment he knew he wouldn't ever do it. His hope died along with his friend's first relationship. And a part of Eiji's heart died as well.

—————————————————————————

Next two years were all like a blur for Eiji. Things changed a bit. Ash despite having new girlfriends, didn't forget about his friend anymore. Well, it's an understatemenent to be honest. For some reason, Ash always wanted Eiji to be by his side. And not in the we-are-going-to-be-friends-forever way. More like, he wanted him to be  _literally_ by his side. He used to take Eiji with him whenever he and his friends went somewhere. At the beginning it made the Japanese boy unconfortable, since they were  _Ash's_   friends, not  _his_ , but with the passing of time, he got accustomed. He weren't completely cushty, because he still felt unwanted there, but Eiji started to enjoy his time. He could be with Ash after all do why would it matter.

However, nothing is as easy as that. Once, he overheard the talk between the boys. He was waiting for Ash on one side of the school wall while the blond kid and his team were on the opposite so they didn't see him.

"We're going to grab some food now, you're up?' he recognized the low voice belonged to Kong.

"Sure, just gonna ask Eiji if he's in it as well". They were silent for a moment.

"Do we even have to take him anyway? Look, Aslan, we know you're friends, but it's been a long time since we went somewhere like, you know, just the six of us" the black haired boy thought Arthur was to one to say that.

The six he meant were obviously him, Ash, previously mentioned Kong [Eiji didn't even know his real name but never cared enough to ask], and three other boys Ash met on his first day of elementary school and had been in the same class ever since; Bones [just another nameless punk with pink hair. Eiji liked him though, since he was the nicest among all of them. Of course exclusing Ash. Ash was always in the first place], Alex and Shorter [a.k.a Ash's second best friend. After meeting him for the first time, Eiji needlessly felt anxious that Shorter would take his place. The blond told him once later that no matter what, he was going to be his best friend forever and Eiji didn't know whether he should be happy about it or not [because, despite being just thirteen, he had already known he wanted to be more than  _just_ best friends] but he smiled and thanked him].

But yeah, he knew he wasn't their friend and he didn't consider them his, but it didn't mean he was totally okay with hearing it directly from them. He was about to leave and tell Ash later that he couln't go home with him because something urgent came up, but then the blond guy started talking again.

"If you don't want Eiji to go with you then I'm out as well."

"Dude, what the hell. Is he your mommy that he has to go with you everyone?" 

"Stop with the drama, Arthur. I just like his company as much as I like yours so it's not that weird I want to spend time with all of you."

"Well, for me it  _is_ weird, since you're spending more time with him than with your girlfriend. Isn't it the reason you and Madison have broken up recently?" Eiji felt his heart beating faster. Ash didn't tell him about it. 

"We broke up because she wanted to control who I meet and how often and I'm not a dog to be ordered around but thanks for your concern. Anything else you would like to add?"

"You might have a girlfriend, but people still gossip and you know what's been on their tongues lately? You being a homo. Great reputation, isn't it?"

"I'm not you to care about other's opinions. But if you heard it and didn't do anything to stop the gossips, it just shows you're not much of my friend."

"Oh, screw you, Aslan. You're making me disgusted even by looking at you." Arthur started to walk off. Ash chased him saying, "Hey, I'm—" but  then he spotted Eiji and stopped in the middle of the sentence. He opened his mouth and tried to say something, but not a word came out. Eiji felt tears filling his eyes. 

"L-look, Eiji, it's—... I'm—... that's not—" he couldn't gather his thoughts. Eiji smiled sadly.

"Don't worry about it. I'm... I'm going home now."

"Then let me co—"

"No!" Eiji shouted even if he didn't mean to, "I'm sorry. I just need to be... alone" and he ran off. Ash wanted to catch him up, but Shorter just caught his arm and shaked his head, "You better leave him now."

"But... I..." he didn't know what to say. Why was he so angry anyway?

"First of all, you and Arthur have to talk. We're not going to let both of you fall out just because of some boy." Ash wanted to say that Eiji is not _just some boy_ , but Shorter covered his mouth with his hand. "Also, all of you have to clear your thoughts. Let Eiji be for now and you'll talk to him later. Believe me, none of us wants to see that kid crying either." Ash sighed but agreed.

While they were talking, Eiji got back home, threw himself on the bed and stared crying again. He wasn't _that_ bad so why can't he just find some other friends instead of being the third wheel? Well,  _seventh_ to be accurate. He was so done with everyone and so tired that he couldn't recall later when did he fall asleep. 

What woke him up was Ash softly shaking his arm. When the Japanese boy finally lifted himself to semireclining position, the first thing he felt was a hug. He widened his eyes in disbelief. Is he still dreaming? I couldn't be true. He even pinched his arm, but nothing changed. Eiji felt like crying again, because it was too much for his poor heart.

"I'm sorry for what you heard. Believe me, that's not what Arthur truly meant, he was just angry. And  _I_  would never think of you like that." He released Eiji from the hug to grab his cheeks instead. The raven haired boy almost said  _don't let me go_ , but held back. Ash continued, "Don't let it get to you. I don't want to see you so sad again, is that clear?" 

Eiji felt Ash's beautiful emerald eyes burning his skin. "Clear" was all he said and after few more seconds the blond let him go completely. 

Back then Eiji was in the third year of highschool. He had a little over one year until he had to go to university so the Japanese decided to use it as much as he could. 

—————————————————————————

But Eiji was Eiji after all, and beside meeting Ash even more frequently, nothing really changed. The school ended and he went to university. He chose the one nearer his home so he didn't have to move out. Not being able to see Ash in weeks would be too hard for him. He turned 21 two weeks before and  _of course_ he ended up drinking with the yourger boy. They even went to a club, since he finally had the ID and Ash looked mature enough not to be asked to show one. As usually, Eiji didn't remember much from it.

It was a cold evening and he was lying on his bad, when he got a text from Ash.  It said, "wanna come over?". Well, that was weird, since he knew Ash had plans with his girlfriend. Did she break up with him as well? 

"Didn't you have a date with Sara? Or Emma? I don't remember which one was it lately, since you're such a playboy".  _No_ , he wasn't in mood to hear about Ash's love problems. He got, "ugh, meanie" in reply, but when he didn't text Ash back in 5 minutes, he got a new message.

"i broke up with kylie." Previously, Eiji would have felt bad for being happy about it, but seriously. He was so deep in love with him at that time he couldn't care less about that girl's feelings. But he didn't want to expose himself though so he tried to turn the situation into a joke.

"So you're looking for an arm you can cry on or just don't know what to do with your free time now?" Eiji's chest hurt, but it was the only thing he could think of for a reply. Except for  _I'm so happy to hear that. Now come over and become my boyfriend already_ , _I've waited for so long._ But just when he started worrying about not getting an answer and thinking that maybe he shouldn't have written that, he heard the doorbell and Ash saying  _hello, auntie_  loudly. He had like 30 seconds to get ready to see him, but it still wasn't enough. When his friend entered the room, the Japanese boy felt out of his depth. 

Ash looked beautiful. Not that he didn't look beautiful daily, but that time it was something different. His hair looked so softly that Eiji wished he could grab them. His eyes were shining as brightly as the sun would shine at the dawn. His lips were swollen like he was just kissing someone [Eiji hoped he didn't]. His freckles were more visible than usually. The Japanese boy not once in his whole life wished more to be able to kiss every inch of the blond's face.

"Like what you see? Then take a photo, it lasts longer." Ash teased him and Eiji finally came to life.

"Who would want to waste their camera's memory for you?" He himself would thought.

"I know you missed me, stop playing so hard to get."

"Asshole." Eiji hit his arm and both of them laughed. "What did you even come here for?" He asked after they sat down and his mom brought them something to drink.

"As I said, I broke up with my girlfriend."

"Is it the part when I'm saying  _congratulations_ or  _ew man, that sucks_?"

"It's the part when you're asking why I did that."

"And what if I don't do that?"

"Then I'm going home."

"Ok, bye." He stood up to open the door, but Ash threw a pillow at him. "I'm just joking, jeez. So  _tell me_ " he rolled his eyes, "because I will die if I don't know it, why did you two break up?"

"Beucase I have someone I already like." The answer was so quick that Eiji had to take a moment to digest it. But when he did, he froze again.  _What_? 

"Y-you do?" He tried to stay unbothered, but his voice betrayed him. "You never told me about it."

"Well, I had some reasons. But I didn't want to deceive her anymore." That wasn't what Eiji was interested in but he didn't interrupt. "It was pointless from the beginning for me to agree to be with her, since I've been in love with this person for some time now." Eiji's heart picked up the pace.

"Who?"

"And what do you think? You know me the best after all.Who can it be?"  _Hopefully me_ , he wanted to say, but he didn't want to end up disappointed later so he didn't give himself any hope.

"Is it someone I know?"

"I think you know that person quite well."

"Why didn't you ask that person to date her before?" Eiji gulped loudly. He used  _her_ on purpose to see Ash's reaction. Could it be...?

"Because I didn't want to ruin our relationship."

"Then why now?"

"Because I know they feel the same." He used  _they_ instead of  _her_.  _ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit_. Eiji's mind was about to melt. He hesitated.

"Is it... your first girlfriend?"

" _Of course_  you'd say something like that. But no, it's not her. And I know that's not the first person you thought of."

"No one else comes to my mind."

"Then do you want me to tell you something about them?"

"If you have to." Eiji tried to joke, but he was too nervous to succed.

"Well, if you don't then I guess I will just go home."

"Don't!" He shouted, but covered his mouth immediately. "Please, tell me." 

Ash was silent for a moment.  _He's propably arranging his thoughts_ , Eiji said to himself. He was afraid of what would he hear next. 

"So they're really special. They've been with me for most of my life and I can't imagine not seeing them by my side in the future. They're more important to me than anyone else and I would rather get stabbed than having to split with them. I've always wanted them to be happy, but I ended up hurting them instead. Their smile makes my day better and I could just lie for hours looking at them. I remember one day, when they were really sad, because they fancied my nickname and other used it as well. I told the kids to stop doing that. The smile I saw after being called Aslan again by them, was more beautiful that I could ever imagine. They know me better than I know myself. They always care for my health, make sure I get enough sleep, worry about my school. And that one time I forgot about their birthday, I felt like a trash and was too ashamed to even look into their eyes. They are beautiful no matter what they do. While they sleeping, cooking, cleaning, getting angry with me, or having fun. And I love literally everything about them. I could write a book about their virtues and it still wouldn't be everything. I know they are feared of mice, I know they like this awfull Japanese food called natto, I know what they do when they think no one is watching, I know what songs they're singing under the shower. I know they try to joke when they're nervous, but always fail. And I want to get to know about them even more. Because I've been loving them for years now, but I was too scared to say it out loud." Ash stopped. He breathed heavily. "Does it ring a bell?"

"Why... why now?" Was all Eiji said before bursting out tears. He waited so long for that he couldn't believe it was happening. Was that a dream? Why would Ash love him? When would he wake up?

Ash came to him and finally hugged him. Eiji put his head on the blond's sholder, while the younger was rubbing his back. "Because you told me that when you were drunk lately. I asked you if you had found someone special on uni and you told me that you had found someone special long time ago. I was so happy to hear that I thought I died and I was in heaven. But it wasn't heaven, and it wasn't a dream neither. I wanted to come to you the following day, and just say it's mutual, but had to end all unclosed things until I finally was ready." 

"I'm just so, so happy right now. I lost my hope long time ago."

"I know, me too. And I'm so sorry for not confessing earlier. We would have much more time together."

"We still have plenty of time left." Eiji smiled.

"That doesn't mean we can waste it." He grabbed his chin and looked at his lips. "Can I kiss you?" Ash asked shyly. Eiji didn't know this side of him yet. He finally looked at his face and saw that his friend's— no,  _boyfriend's_ (?) face was all red. Good to know he wasn't the only one embarrased.

"I'd love you to do that." And he didn't have to say it twice for Ash to do so.

—————————————————————————

Having said that, not only Ash was Eiji's first friend, but his first kiss and first boyfriend as well. 

**Author's Note:**

> yep. that’s it. and god it was so tiring. how do you do that all the time. i'm impressed. don’t have anything else to say so i’m just gonna thank survive said the prophet for such a good opening [the ending was great as well].  
> and they have a cat in the future.


End file.
